On my first blog entry

Sumagi sa isip ko kagabi kung pano nga ba gumawa ng isang blog. Anong title ang aking ipo post sa una kong blog entry. Maraming topic, at madaling gumawa ng title, pero yung nilalaman mahirap gawin kung wala kang sariling ideya o base sa iyong experience. And nagulat na lang ako sa isiping pwede pala kong sumulat ng kahit ano, lalo na if it's about my true feelings lang. Kahit ano na ma i ishare o hindi man this can be an outlet to release all what's inside you na minsan we can't share to our friends or even our family. Kasi, may mga bagay na mas gusto mo pang ikaw na lang ang magdala kaysa ipaalam mo pa sa mga taong mahal mo na baka lang hindi nila kayanin i absorbed lahat ng sasabihin mo. diba?

So it consumed my time, thinking of what to write on my first entry. Sana ganun lang kadali magsabi ng nasa sa loob mo, pero hindi. I was born to lived behind my solitude. Ang lalim diba? Pag maraming beses ka ng nasaktan, nadapa, bumangon, nadapa ulit at patuloy pa ring nasasaktan, malalim ka na talagang magsalita pero hindi ganun kadali ang mag open up ng masasakit na parte ng buhay mo. Mas pipiliin mong magtago na lang sa katahimikan mo, sa lalim ng damdamin mo, dahil alam mong marami ang hindi makakaintindi sa'yo. Kung alam lang nila, behind those smiles, those happy moments you shared to these people arround you, you're hiding your own thoughts of deeper solitude that no one can see, no one can try to understand. Because you never want them to get worried, never you want them to cry for you. Mahirap mabuhay in the middle of nowhere. May makakaintindi ba doon? I hardly accept the fact that I live in this cruel world, na hindi lahat ng tao na akala ko noon lahat ay mabubuti, ay hindi pala. Saka ko lang nalaman na you can't trust everyone you encounter, hindi lahat may mabubuting intensyon sayo.

At 34, still unattached, i've crossed so many roads and took a lot of pain life can offer. Still, i was thinking, kasi alam ko i still have missed a thing. Kahit marami rin akong sinubukan, marami rin akong tinake na chance, life is still empty. I have regrets sometimes, but i couldn't just wallow in regrets in my lifetime. Alam ko may dahilan lahat kung "bakit" at every season has it's reason to take by. I've learned from it. I taste the pain. At alam ko behind these loneliness that i feel, darating din ang panahon na magiging masaya rin ako, at dumating man o hindi ang taong totoong magmamahal sa akin, enough na yung alam ko na I have God beside me. and inside me.

I will get by i know. I will continue to live, no matter what.